http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/
I’m having issues with WordPress at the moment: having lost three haiku yesterday due to the site ‘overwriting’ old data over new, (!?!), I am more than a bit dubious as to not only the state of my laptop, but the site itself. I’m pretty sure it’s only my machine, but I hope this doesn’t get lost as well!
Following on from my post last week – see https://kingsleycw13.wordpress.com/2014/05/22/friday-fictioneers-23-5-14/ for context – for the first time, I am continuing the tale, but popping back in time a little…
I spot the bicycles leaning against the wall and cannot help but narrow my gaze at the town, hazy in mid-afternoon happiness and ignorance. The suit is too warm in this weather and I loosen it, spitting bitter words under my breath to any who don’t want to hear them, cursing their platitudes and palmed condolences as I struggle with the tie.
The clock-tower falls silent.
I hear the organ start, four years to the day, to the hour, of our wedding, but the tune is wrong.
Stony faced, I turn and our tread moves us from Earth to Heaven.
kingsley clennel-white 
This is beautiful and takes a few readings to get the full effect. I especially liked ‘spitting bitter words’, and the ignorance of the town to the grief of your narrator. I feel sad, but a sort of floaty sad which isn’t at all unpleasant. Excellent stuff.
I could see this man loosening his suit in discomfort, but I’m not sure what happened. Perhaps it isn’t meant to be clear! 🙂
Hmm. Probably the metaphor in the last line or so, blending his movement to the church and his wife’s movement to heaven. I’ll look into the clarity!
… but the tune is wrong. Say no more. Well done.
Sometimes memories are just reminder of what we have lost… well done..
Dear Kingsley,
Four years is not very long. His grief and anger come through in few words. Well done.
shalom,
Rochelle
I like the “happiness and ignorance” line – I think you have a typo a little later “any who doesn’t”, not “don’t”. But yes, this story survived the evil computer behavior (pretty sure they are trying to kill us sometimes!)
I’m a pad and pencil kind of guy, tbh, so machines=evil! The doesn’t / don’t question is a strange one, as I’ve read so many papers/novels with both used interchangeably I’m not sure which is preferred now! Mind, I like using the Oxford comma so I suppose, in the eyes of the Literati, I’m already damned!
Haha, nothing wrong with the Oxford comma … there, I’m damned too now
Hoorah! Lol
Well done. These words paint a vivid, yet sad picture.