I am fighting a crappy lung infection. It sucks.
I am fighting a crappy lung infection. It sucks.
Just a brief encounter (!) as I’ve filled in three reports this evening and I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone my brain functioning. In fact, I’ve just rubbed my eyes with one hand whilst typing with the other, my fingers dancing over the keys like raindrops. Sheesh! How tired am I!?!
There was time when she didn’t exist, when her breathing was no more than movement, and her movements themselves were spasms and sub-conscious desires made liquid flesh, buried as they were under paroxysms of pain and swearing.
She swam in other people’s dreams, translucent and un-named, hovering on the periphery of their conversations in the same way that she would soon dominate them, and she knew nothing of this, save that she was warm and safe and potential incarnate.
With a voracious appetite for life, she chose when to tear free of her restrictions and take matters into her own hands, screaming indignation and bloody salutation to any who heard her; and hear her, they did.
They had no choice. Babies are noisy little whatnots, after all!
I am now writing my posts via Word (TM C inc.) as opposed to straight into my blog, as I now do not trust it to devour my lovingly crafted (!) work.
Seriously though, bloody machines! Anyhoo, here is my brief encounter with a letter…
The words are stark, black.
They stare at me, accusing syllables and consonants that worm their insidious way into my head and nail my eyes fast to them with vivid punctuation. I even see the grain of the paper, peripheral and functional, aiding them in the penetration of my skull. The handwriting betrays intent, for it is focused, regular, rhythmic: the methodical mind of a killer incarnate within my grasp.
“Don’t forget the kids…”
From the gem of haiku awesomeness that is http://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.co.uk/
Perfect self denied,
as physical needs increased,
Soul weeps for futures loss.
I’m talking selfish satisfaction here btw, not the unconditional kind. Though, technically, all and every type of satisfaction, be it physical, emotional, etc, is inherently selfish. As we can only ever experience the Self, and that imperfect behaviour, can we ever be perfect?
Hmm. That’s a difficult one – I’m a musician, music teacher and audio-nut. Three songs is a bit like choosing three favourite plants from RHS Chelsea – pretty damned impossible. However, I am not one to shy away from a challenge…
Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen.
Soaring vocals, guitar epicness, amazing chord progressions and inversions that soar over one another in an amazingly intricate display of sustained notes and partial cadences. Yeah, probably went a little technical there and, tbh, it’s been so long since I did music theory that I might well have forgotten my terminology! Apologies to those of a sensitive nature if i have offended thee! Anyhoo, BoRhap is epic for many reasons, and important to me for only one – it got me into the potentiality of music as a dynamic force that can not only enhance a persons life, but enable them to be transported to a different world. Not bad for a seven year old, eh? The chilling open line ‘…just killed a man…’ and then the subsequent escalation of events as the piano and bass guitar lay emotion onto one another as the song rpogresses that was meant to say progresses btw, love not being allowed to self-correct – not! – is just amazing. That’s before opera materialises in the middle of the song for what can only be described as the ultimate bridge! Then we get the Wayne’s World moment and we just know that all is right with the universe. (Headbanging: it’s what makes the world turn, people.)
I lost my Heart to A Starship Trooper
I was young, ok?
Might be the groovy, funktastic bass riff that drives the whole song, it might be sparkly spandex dancers or the fact that I was totally into Sci-FI and starships were pretty cool to my mind back then. Either way, this song is a rather perverted guilty pleasure and I make no apologies for it…ah, who am I kidding? Sorry!
Bach’s Tocatta and Fugue in Dmin
It’s great to play! Seriously, you take those open notes and slam them out full volume on a piano / organ / guitar / whatever, and BOOM baby, that’s power overload! It was one of the first / only pieces I was really prod to have learned off by heart when I was really learning to play the piano, and even today I cannot help to feel a stirrin’ in my heart at this piece. The power that it punches out in the middle, with the root pedal notes hammering away underneath a simple ascending scale, which then turns itself around into a descending dance of arpeggio’s is fantastic! The fugue drifts even further into dream territory, with twin lines playing around one another like lovers in the park.
EEEP! I went into weird muso analogy!!
Stream of consciousness – twenty minutes of free writing and see where they take me…
Have you guys seen inside my mind?! Twenty minutes could be lethal!
As the grey mist cleared, the man with one eye red and one eye blue saw the remains of the tree lying at his feet, the heartwood split, all hope of further growth, of a future, destroyed. The roots lay twisted; a once burrowing hand now grasping at the air in silent agony, clutching for the life it once had. The silence surrounding the new stump seemed oppressive after the explosion, suffocating, even; and was only broken by the muted whimpering of a boy and his mother as they lay stunned in the dirt.
A soft pitter – patter began to intrude on the silence. It was starting to rain mud.
The mud fell in the pattern of a Star of David, its perfect equilateral lines slowly descending and lining up exactly with the oil that had been cast onto the floor. There was something uniquely visceral about the scene: a bacchanal of excess that existed beyond the remains of the tree, extended beyond the oil and the star and embraced far more than the normal five senses. Primal creation lay thick on the ground.
The matchbox tumbled to the ground at exactly the same speed as the lit spill, but it was the match that created the most damage to the forest. It flared briefly – blue – then cherry red and glowing, before transforming itself into an all-consuming wall of flame that hungrily devoured the oil and mud.
The man with one eye red and one eye blue cupped his hands together and began to intone a soft, insistent chant. It was foul, and guttural, and full of hate and spite and all the thoughts that should never become ideas, much less be spoken aloud.
But spoken aloud they were, and become real they did.
“Fire before me, Heaven above me, Earth below me, Blood within me.”
The chant continued. Each repetition changed the inflection, changed the meaning, changed the understanding. Only the words remained constant, everything else becoming redefined with each repetition, “Fire BEfore ME HeaVEN above me, EARTH BE LOW! Me BLOOD WITH in me…”
His hands lifted and unwrapped a Hessian bag. Rough hands, they spoke of toil and sacrifice, not of learning or compassion. A pair of hands that existed because they had a purpose; a reason to be, nothing more. They extracted the iron rod and held it at the apex of the Star of David briefly before throwing it into the centre, onto the fresh tree stump.
“FIRE beFORE me, HEAVen A bove ME, EARTH below ME, BLOOD WITH in me!”
Within the star-flame, the metal seemed to glow of its own accord, writhing under burning shadows. As the incantation progressed, the man opened a vein and added his own blood to the star, watching it boil and sizzle within the sacred space before it was sucked hungrily into the metal.
The man with one eye red and one eye blue smiled and turned around, ready for the next part of the ceremony. That was when the child began to cry. As did his mother.
Why do revisions absolutely kill me to do?!?!
What is it about the editing process that becomes so amazingly painful, the further it goes along? I can’t quite put my finger on it, just in case it bites back, but there is something in the process that is excruciatingly painful, and not a little….destructive?!?
I realise that in order to create, we must first destroy – (gotta throw in a little philosophy once in a while!) – and in that time honoured process we thereby create the genius that our hearts desire, but COME ON!!! It still hurts! This is the process:
1) I create soul-enhancing, life affirming GENIUS and commit it to the page.
2) I worry my guts out that it isn’t any good, then my Ego kicks in and I’m back to believing the ‘Tortured Genius’ schtick.
3) I then look at it with fresh eyes, totally hate it, feel like eviscerating it and cannot believe how bad it is.
4) Genius returns, Ego gets rebooted – editing begins.
5) I return to step one and begin to make ‘wibble wibble’ noises out loud.
So, in short:
Hi guys, I’m editing my poem entry for the Bridport Prize. Just thought I’d share.
Be seeing you!
Well, second year of trying – scaling down my hope to just two entries this time: Flash Fiction, (which I think I’m getting the hang of now), and a poem as well.
Be seeing you!
Okay, wow! I have just been nominated for the Liebster award by the wonderful Elizabeth at http://teandpaper.com/ You must pop over there! I drop in and browse around and love the honest thoughts and beautiful pictures that get posted. Say hi, okay?
This is so cool!
1) First, you include a link back to the post or blog of the person who nominated you and you thank them because manners are everything!
2) Include 11 facts about yourself.
3) Answer the 11 questions that the blogger who nominated posted.
4) Post 11 more questions for your nominees to answer.
5) Nominate 11 bloggers that have less than 200 followers.
The purpose of this award is to spread some love to the nominees and increase awareness of their blog.
Here is a link bank to Elizabeth, who nominated me.
http://teandpaper.com/2014/04/27/liebster-award-nomination/ Remember to say hi everyone!
Provide 11 facts about yourself. Here you go…
1 I am a total book nut. I once removed over 200 books from a bookshelf in my old house, and you couldn’t see the difference. Two thirds of my loft space contains my library, as I don’t have a bookcase anymore. But I have a kindle fit to burst!
2 I am very, very Romantic in the proper sense of the word, not the vomit sense of the word.
3 I believe in True Love, because I have it. When anyone says ‘How do you know?’ I simply tell them, it’s easy. The feeling in your heart is totally different to anything you have ever felt before in your life. It is overwhelming, all encompassing.
4 I believe in the fundamental interconnectedness of things and reverse causality: the future creates the past. That way, everything has a reason and is leading us to a destiny. No, I’m not hedging my bets! lol
5 Doctor Who rocks, classic and new. Come on, people! 50 years of the same show, with none of the original cast at all and stronger than it’s ever been? You know it makes sense!
6 I have a garden which is in the throes / thrashes of total change. It will look good when it’s finished, honest!
7 I dug a 7000 litre pond and filled it with Koi fish, (young ones!), for my wife because she was really ill with a tumour and wanted to cheer her up. Tumour has gone and the fish are now quite large! I’m happy!
8 I grew up in a very poor seaside town called Ilfracombe. It was very popular with the Victorians, but then so was Syphilis. (No,I’m not impressed with my home town!!)
9 Did I mention I love my wife more than anything in the world?
10 I met Palden Gyatso (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palden_Gyatso) when I was doing my B.Ed / Music degree. Brought me to tears. Such a beautiful soul and so wise: he radiated peace and tranquillity like I have never known. So honoured to have been blessed by him. Wow.
11 Thirteen is my lucky number. My childhood home was number 13. For some reason, the terrace we lived on omitted number 14, but kept 13. So it numbered 11,12,13,15! That’s Ilfracombe for you!
Now answer the following questions…
1. Why do you blog?
Ah, easy one this: I blog because I cannot have any more pieces of A4 scattered around my home in a myriad of folders, boxes and carrier bags. I have written stories, poems, ideas, plays, TV scripts since I could write, and I’ve kept all of them. Even the really embarrassing ones from teen years.
No, you will never see them.
2. What is the opinion of your family and/or friends about you blogging?
My wife encouraged me to do it. She’d seen me getting continually disheartened with rejection slips from publishers and agents, and wisely suggested that a blog would be a good thing for me. I’d already helped her set up her own, so it was a simple step to being here.
3. Which way do you express your creativity?
I have two mains ways I guess: writing and my music. I’m a guitar / clarinet / piano / bodhran -ist kind of guy, so I try to immerse my soul in music and express myself through my playing. Back in the day, I did have a gigging band, and that was cool.
I write, because if I don’t I feel I will simply die. My brain is stupidly full of characters, ideas, places, realms, pain, joy, suffering and exhilaration. I use paper, phone, post its, laptop, kindle… every one that has anything to do with me has something written by me on it!
(My garden looks nice too, so I guess that counts as well!)
4. Do you have a journal? If yes, since when?
Afraid not. I think, if I did one, it would be too dark and cynical. Which is ironic, considering how positive I am!!
5. Do you have plans to write a book one day?
Already done it. I’m on my fourth. No one’s bought them yet, but I am VERY available if you want me!
6. What is your favourite book?
Oy vey, only one?!?! Evil, nasty, vicious question!!! lol How about one in each genre?
Hmmm… It would have to be, currently, Ocean at the end or the lane by Neil Gaiman. It has just usurped The Call of Cthulhu by HP Lovecraft.
You know this is going to change again, you know that, right?!?! lol
7. Which place would you like to visit?
Anywhere, as long as my wife is beside me and the tea I drink is Yorkshire tea. This planet is a phenomenal place and is full of beauty. Heh, as long as there are very few people around, I’ll enjoy it!
8. Have you participated in online courses? if yes, which was your favourite?
I’ve done a few for work – DUUUULLLLLL!!!! Best one : Blogging 201, WordPress. Turned my blog around and made it… well, rather lovely!
9. What is your favourite thing to do in a raining day?
I have a beautiful wife. Hold her hand, sip cups of tea and dream of our Country Cottage. (I’m a country boy at heart, not a townie!)
10. Do you blog in your free time, or bloging is the priority in our day?
I’m a free time blogger – well, when I can find the time that is through work!
11. Which advice you would give for who is starting to blog now?
I would say do not be shy, but neither be overbearing or rude.
Politeness and honesty out here is important, as your blog is you for the world to see.
Well, that’s me done!
Now these are my questions:
1) How do you spend your free time?
2) Favourite place to relax?
3) Smell that reminds you of something, and why?
4) Favourite books? Notice books, not just one!!
5) Favourite album?
6) Any tips on blogging?
7) What prompted you to start you blog in the first place?
8) What would you like your blog to become?
9) In five years time, where would you like see yourself?
10) What three things would you take if you were stranded on a desert island? Sadly, no mobile signal! 😦
11) What is the most over used word you have come across?
My Nominees will be on their way very soon – as soon as I can find eleven blogs I follow with less than 200 followers. I just checked my regular ones and they seem to be all in the hundreds!
I’ll finish work tonight and search like a crazy man!
Be seeing you!
Here are my blogs – I hope I counted properly… apologies if I’ve made an error on your followers – it’s not easy to spot! I read these via phone and tablet and they always make me smile for their diversity and intelligence, wisdom and passion. Very cool!
I can find eight blogs that I think fit the criteria – all the others I follow seem to be in the thousands!! Doh!
Well, after a very fraught day of categorising and designing, I have not only met my Blogging 201 assignment criteria, but also begun to understand the inner workings of this WordPress site. Not the most stress free of days, it has to be said, but certainly successful and made all the more so by the fantastic help given to me by fellow bloggers – you all rule!!
May I also take this opportunity to say a big Hello to those new people who have honoured me by following this blog – thank you for joining me!
Be seeing you!
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